There was a chilling moment last year when my possible near future became clear and condensed as if someone pressed a button and showed me the next hundred frames. This future was terrifying and life-changing. Why did I suddenly see my future so clearly? I got a weird message. From a stranger. It was implied that a friend I loved dearly was about to be accused of something awful and it was going to become public. At the time of the message I didn’t know if I was being told so that I could get ahead of this thing — and pick sides? — or if there was something else attached to it all. For a few hours I lived in absolute terror because like most people in the arts or academia I’ve witnessed my share of cancellations and I’ve seen what happens not only to the people getting canceled but also to those who love them; which side they stand on can affect absolutely everything in their life: their career, their sanity, their friendships and bring forth their own chances of getting shunned.
“Is it my turn now?” I kept thinking and kept also thinking how I’ve managed, up until that point, avoid being associated with a controversial person, how the closest I’ve come was when I avoided picking sides back in 2016 when CanLit was going through their shake-up (look it up, buttercup) and how I was accused of apathy, which I was told was equal to siding with the side that signed that letter1. I’m not going to say much more about that, I am not going to say anything else about what happened last year either. It is not safe, and since nothing happened, there isn’t anything to say. But I will add that I found out later the stranger who implied that accusation had their own motives and they were trying to deliberately punish the person I loved. In the most simplistic and least cryptic light I can shed on that whole situation: the person got romantically rejected and they wanted to get revenge. But I would lie if I said I didn’t doubt my friend’s innocence for those few moments of terror, and didn’t wonder if they had a secret life where they hurt people. I did wonder if I was really willing to set myself on fire to profess their innocence. This is not because I didn’t believe my friend but because I don’t know if any human is 100 percent pure and trustworthy. Because listen, you can absolutely love a secret psychopath, does a parent truly know their child, do you really know your spouse, is Buffy really Indigenous, and so on and so forth?
What the stranger who contacted me knew and what we all know is that public shaming is the most powerful of all weapons. It’s a weapon that evens all fields as it can obliterate all: money, fame, class, social standing, popularity, connections… Perhaps the only person immune is Donald Trump although I imagine he too gets the poops on his golden toilet in private, once in a while. It’s a weapon that can make the smallest person the most dangerous in the room and when used justly and wisely it’s a revolutionarily effective one (see #metoo), but when wielded carelessly and without counsel it can bring forth the worst of possible consequences.
Public shaming is akin to pressing a proverbial Red Button that can destroy lives – those of the shamed and the people connected to the shamed. But since it’s a button it doesn’t discriminate its range and it can even destroy the person pressing the button. It’s nuclear. That’s because shaming breeds more shaming – the shamer can find themselves in a similar position they intended for someone else if their actions happen to bring on tragic consequences. With a great button comes great responsibility.
The internet has become the modern-day pillory. Unfortunately we haven’t really advanced all that much since the medieval times of torture. In fact, we’ve become even more reckless with it since these days we all have the ability to put a person in the public square whether the accusation is justified or not. What has changed is the speed and the position in the pillory – one day you put someone in it, the next day it might be you who’s bending over.
“The shame will never go away. Please make good use of what I’ve built up and take comfort for the rest of your years. This will give my life and this tragedy of events some positive meaning.”
Two days ago, a 41-year-old comic book legend Ed Piskor took his own life after being accused of inappropriate sexual advances towards younger women, most specifically after a now-21-year-old comic book artist revealed some sketchy DMs in a post that called him out for his behaviour. The original DMs were sent when she was 17, no inappropriate behaviour actually occurred but it’s clear why Piskor would make her so uncomfortable. She was quickly backed up by a couple of other women who have had questionable exchanges with the artist — one of who possibly lied about her relationship with Piskor — and the comic-book community condemned Piskor who lost work, status, and friendships instantly. You can go down that rabbit hole (try Reddit) and see for yourself what the DMs said and what everybody else said and draw your own conclusions. And you can read Piskor’s heartbreaking suicide note in which he admits to sending inappropriate messages to Molly D. — but that was the extent of his “crime” — and where he tries to clear up other, allegedly false accusations.
I will leave this post with two quotes, posted in a reverse order of occurrence. (I do hope Molly D. has people around to support her as I’m sure she’s being dragged towards the pillory as we speak…)
From Ed Piskor’s note: “No public statements would do. Nobody against me would be convinced. Maybe this drastic move will convince a few? Maybe it will get a couple more people to consider not joining online lynch mobs over gossip? Doubt it will have much of a blip. I’m not doing this out of guilt though, once again, it was super dumb chatting with Molly D. My intentions were never nefarious with her or anybody. Im doing it out of intense shame. We’re not built to have hundreds (maybe a few thousand?) people judging and/or harassing us at once. A private and solitary mind can’t take it.”
From Molly D., prior to the suicide, but after the 21-year-old was hounded by some for revealing the DMs: “I felt frustrated how many people I have told in comics who have just said ooo that’s so weird and gross and that’s it. Say “Hes a great artist though” and move on. Realizing I am just continuing to enable a collective secret between people and then he can just keep doing what they wants with young girls god forbid because its easier to say nothing. Ed Piskor is not a pedophile. Ed piskor is just a fucking creep. Why do I have to be complacent in it? Why would it not make senss that I am posting this information publicly on the same silly app he reached out to me on. I’m just so tired. What are we supposed to do with creeps? Let me know next time! I will follow the proper procedure.”
But as my answer was back then and it is now, I grew up in a communist country and that “are you with us or are you against us” mentality reminds me too much of the old regime and I am a little bit allergic.